I love to drive. Short distances. Long distances. I've actually driven coast-to-coast several times. And I've never hit anything very expensive. Yet, my wife hardly ever lets me climb behind the wheel. She saves I make her nervous. And even when she does let me behind the wheel, she tends to be a bit too attentive to the smallest details of my efforts.

"Please keep your eyes on the road, willya?" my wife said.

"I am." We kicked up a small amount of gravel.

"The road is the part with the pavement."

"I so totally know that… Whoa, look at the shape on that one." Another small amount of gravel flew up from the passenger-side tires.

"That's it," my wife said. "Pull over. I'm driving."

Reluctantly I pulled over, but before I got out I grabbed my camera, and took a few quick shots. "Amazing."

My wife ran around to the driver's side, put it in gear, then stopped and looked over at me. "You know, I think you should see someone professional. You've got a real focus problem."

"Ha. Shows you what you know." I pointed at the front of my Canon Rebel. "It's set on automatic." I took another photo.

"It's not the camera focus I was referring to. It's your inability to focus on important things. Like, for instance, the road we were just flying down at sixty miles per hour."

"Road? I glanced at my wife then looked beyond her. "Wow. Nice movement in the lower trunk."

She sighed, then slipped it into gear and pulled back onto the road. "That's what I'm taking about. Ever since you started that Bonzai class, for instance, you can't stop thinking about trees. If I hadn't stopped you yesterday you would have bought that chain saw at Home Depot and you'd be out here 'artistically' pruning your way fto Lompoc until you either ran out of gas or got beat up by a mob of angry squirrels."

"Well I took the Bonzai class because I got severely frightened when the only figure I saw in the figure drawing class belonged to a naked fat, hairy guy. After that the shapes of trees seemed far more relaxing."

"It may be more relaxing for you, but now I've got to worry about you driving us into a mighty oak just so you can get a closer look at the bark. Seems like there is always something else grabbing your attention. People, places, things…"

"I'll take people, Alex, for two hundred dollars…"

I laughed at my reference to Jeopardy. My wife didn't. "Okay, okay. But everybody multitasks these days."

"Yes, but you often forget the main task like watching where we are going."

She did have a point. When I was attending Brooks Institute of Photography, I couldn't go anywhere without composing shots. The whole world was full of potential 8x10s. Then when I got into screenwriting, I couldn't go anywhere without watching scenes unfold everywhere I looked. Life was a movie. I can't tell you how hard it is since I became a humor writer to go anywhere where seriousness is required…

Church? "Say this communion wine isn't merlot is it? 'Cause I'm not drinking any merlot!"

Symphony? "Do you suppose the triangle player actually follows along with all that music? Or whether he's back there watching American Idol on his iPod until the conductor nods his way?"

School? "Do you think people who take all online classes to graduate ever go to class reunions?"

We were moving again and the trees whizzed by too fast to observe. "What were we talking about?" I asked my wife.

"Focus."

"Oh yeah. I'm going to work on that… So where is it we're going?"

My wife shook her head. "To the harbor. For lunch"

"You know, I've always wanted to get a boat. Nothing too elaborate. Maybe a simple forty-footer with twin diesels for Sunday outings."

My wife parked and we began walking toward The Endless Summer restaurant. "Maybe a boat is a good idea," she said. "At least you couldn't drive us off the road."

"Really? Cool. We could run with the dolphins. Chase whales. Dodge cruise ships. Do you suppose cruise ships have cruise control?"

"What would you like?" the waitress asked as we sat down.

***